I think I have just lost my last friend in life. The last someone I could really talk to of the hoplessness and despair that overwhelms me these days. i told her how i felt and she basically said i knew what i could do if i thought that life wasn't worth living. i was quite shocked by it. how she said it. I didn't want to say anything cos she was sick, had a driving test the next day and her kid was driving her insane, so I kept my mouth shut, for now at least.
So now i have to resort to blog. I thought that maybe i could just not bother and keep it all in. But I cant. Even if i have to speak to no one, better out than in.
I have to make so many decisions, big ones, and I really don't have a clue. i have to go by gut instinct and hope for the best. There is nothing else I can do. I used to thing older people totally knew what they were doing. But I am now the older people and i havent' got a fucking clue. It's all bloody guess work. So fine, I'll guess it out and see what happens.
Bit miffed cos the guys who installed my virgin media cable the other day nicked a couple of porn dvd's. some nasty eastern European gay porn with very unwilling actors and that was quite diffcult to watch. so didn't mind so much. they didn't get the good one as taht was in the dvd player. lesson there. get rid of all porn when workmen are in the house. jesus christ. they are on a salary, cant they afford 9,99 for a dvd. you can get them from anne summers these days.
i have a hernia. don't know what to do about it. if i get it operated on now, i am really very low and i think having pain now would be a bit too mucch for me to handle. there you go, gut instinct, don't do it...sorted.
right house. don't want to live here anymore. options. sell or rent. don't want to sell so rent the mother...there sorted.
all the crap from parents. do you want it/ no. is it worth anything? some of it. well, store waht you might want, the rest, just fucking throw it away...
that will do for now.
