First day back at work. Haven't worked for eight months. What I most like about it is that I am not spending money. I have a fancy shmancy title but it's a rubbish job. I have to do it really slow otherwise I will finish my project before the time I have been alloted.
It will only last three months, can only last three months. I can do the work in one really but I lied and said I needed three. So first day back. I have to hold myself back. I work fast, hate doing things slow. So to kill time I make everyone tea at every given chance. I make myself cappacuinos and even froth the milk and sprinke chocolate on top.
The cappacuino takes at least five minutes to make so that's a good one to suck up time. And I always make sure the tea brews for three minutes in the cup before serving it to my colleagues. None of this wham dunk business which takes hardly no time at all.
I have also taken to eating oranges. By the time I have peeled it, cubed it, added my probiotic yogurt, cleaned up all the untensils and any else I have found, well, that's easily seven or eight minutes.
So two oranges, a few coffees and some rounds of tea, as well as the prescribed hour for lunch, breaks from the computer and lots of toilet breaks-I drink gallons of water- I am sure I will finish my project on time.
It's funny but today is one of the best days I have had in ages. I didn't have to think of what to do. I have a job to do and it's much easier than life. I have so many decisions I need to make now. But I don't know what to do and have no one to ask. So I do nothing in fear I will fuck up like I have fucked up in every major decision I have made. I am hoping I wll suddenly realise what to a la road to damascus...not likely I guess
So I have this job and so for the next three months I can put all those decisions on hold.I think back to when I was twenty and wonder what I would say to myself. Now I cant help but think that when I am sixty, what would I say to myself now. Where must I go, what must I do, who can I ask and who gives a fuck to about me to really tell me the best way forward...I fear no one so I will not move. I can't fall if I don't move.
